WWS Top Ten List 
Were You Insane When You Bought That?
Here are 10 reasons that you should be able to use to return your purchases:
1. I thought it’d make me look like Catherine Zeta-Jones. It didn’t.
2. On second thought, I decided I could use the money more wisely, such as on groceries.
3. I had just listened to a John Denver song on the oldies station, which put in an outdoorsy, "Rocky Mountain High" mood. Now I realize that I don’t need Gore-tex hiking boots for my city sidewalks.
4. I was in a hurry because the store was closing in three minutes and I felt an urgency to buy something.
5. I bought it to reward myself for sticking to my diet. Today, I ordered a boatful of extra-cheesy, greasy Tater Tots. I can’t keep this reward.
6. It went out of style 15 minutes after I bought it.
7. It’s not me. Not at this moment anyway.
8. The clerk insisted that these Spandex shorts were flattering. My best friend, who doesn’t survive on commission, looked at my caboose and said it resembled two cats trying to fight their way out of a paper bag.
9. Something must be wrong with the store lighting in the dressing room because this blouse wasn’t the color of a bruised mushroom when I bought it.
10. I was feeling uncharacteristically sophisticated when I bought this cashmere suit. Alas, today I feel like Ma Kettle.
-- Marti Attoun
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