Terry Schiavo - What Did We Learn?

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RIP Terri Schiavo 1963-2005

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I was saddened to learn that Terri Schiavo had died, but happy that her long journey started so many years ago is now complete. My question is, have we learned anything from this ordeal that Terri and her family members went through, and will continue to go through. Terri Schiavo is dead and her family has been torn apart almost beyond repair.

This case has touched everyone. For me it has opened old wounds that were finally healing. Any death that comes is too soon and hurtful, it never matters that it was expected, when it comes, it is still shockingly unexpected. I would like to think that a documented living will is the answer but I know that the person who has to make the 'decision' will suffer and always question him or herself. "If I made the right decision, why does it hurt so much?" What if--what if--what if. There have been other cases similar to Terri Schiavo's. Karen Ann Quinlan comes to my mind immediately. Her situation was different, she had no husband and her family was of one mind when they made the decision that no extraordinary means be taken to keep their daughter alive. Karen surprised everyone and lived for about 10 years without artificial means. Nancy Cruzan is another sad situation that comes to mind. Left unconscious after an auto accident 1983, her family fought to have her feeding tube removed. It took almost 7 years for the Cruzans' to win their case. Nancy Cruzan's feeding tube was removed in December 1990, she died the same month.

My own dear mother had made her wishes known to my family for as long as I can remember. She had Alzheimer's Disease for many years; when she had a stroke and slipped into a coma, her physician told us that there was no chance of recovery. However, there was a procedure that "may" have given her a little more time. How much time? Would she regain consciousness? The answer? "I can't say. We never know in a case like this." Although there was nothing written, no advance directive, (it never occurred to us to have one in place, it would not have mattered, she never would have signed it) my mother had made it abundantly clear that she wanted no invasive surgery, no blood transfusions. With this in mind, we let her go peacefully and without challenge. I am sure mom would have been proud that her children followed wishes. My quiet acquiescence would have surprised her, at one time I was very angry about her decision. It turns out that mother did know best. Yes, there have been other cases similar to Terri Schiavo's, we just don't hear of them. They do not make headlines.

Whatever we learned or did not learn, it is abundantly clear that when you are twenty-something, advance directives, living wills and the right-to-die may be the last thing on your mind. It may be time to rethink that.

 

What R U Reading?

If you are a member of an online group "What R U reading" is probably a very familiar question, we ask and answer it all the time. In April I will be reading and reviewing  a book written by one of my favorite business gurus, Harvey Mackay. The book is titled WE GOT FIRED!...AND IT'S THE BEST THING THAT EVERY HAPPENED TO US. The title and the subject caught my attention, so of course I could not say no to a review request. You can look for my review in my Work and Family column sometime in April.

I stopped by the library to find a book for a little pleasure reading before I started reading WGF. I came across a new book written by Cassandra King. I have not read Ms. King's  previous novels, MAKING WAVES and THE SUNDAY WIFE; however, after reading THE SAME SWEET GIRLS, these two earlier novels are certainly on my list of books 2BR (to be read).  Cassandra King has written a wonderful bittersweet novel about friendship. The first page had me hooked, "Although we call ourselves the Same Sweet Girls, none of us are girls anymore. And, I'm not sure that any of us are now, or ever have been sweet...southern girls are raised to be nice and polite...The question is, are the Same Sweet Girls sweet? Hardly. But one thing's for sure:...We are the same complicated, screwy, mixed-up, love-each-other-one-minute and hate-each-other-the-next...."  Now, as a genuine Georgia peach who is very nice, and has a group of very special friends, I knew I had to read this book. And I did--in one night. It's that good.

 

Atlantic City seen through the eyes of one who loves her

 I started writing this one day on my lunch hour, the words were just there waiting to be put on  paper. 

Jersey's Painted Lady

Atlantic City one of the few places where you can find a homeless man begging for food at the entrance of a $1000 a night hotel - sorry, only high rollers’ welcome.

Stand on the boardwalk at night and listen to the rush of the ocean, so vast, so dark.

The night pulls you toward the water, leads you to sand filled with rocks, empty crab shells and debris left by day tripping revelers. The smells of the City overwhelm you. Hot dogs, pizza, Chinese food, fudge. It’s the fudge that assails the senses, with a smell so rich, you can almost taste its smoothness.

Atlantic City, often said to be dressed like a shiny two-dollar hooker or when 'they' are being kind they call her the painted lady.

Make no mistake AC may be garish but she doesn’t come cheap. And like the other ladies of the evening, she can show you a good time - if you have the money.

Bright lights, Ripley’s Believe it Or Not, small shabby mom and pop stores sharing space with opulent casinos, which are never silent;

ka-ching, nickel slots and hopeful players’ feeding the narrow-mouthed bandits just one more nickel, maybe this time they’ll get lucky and win the big one.

Sly winking lights beckoning to you. Will you walk away or will you succumb the roll of the dice, the lure and magic of AC’s bright City lights? It’s your call.

But there’s another side to this gaudy, garishly clad lady, dare we call her that? A side that is often unseen and overlooked. Don’t believe it? Well, arise when the sun rises over the wide span of blue gray water and its reflection is as bright as the sun itself.

Watch from a high point as the City shrouded in early morning misty fog, begins to clear and open its door to eagerly welcome you into its waiting arms. Marvel as the fog slowly begins to dissipate and makes its slow journey toward the surface of the water, gently kissing the waves awake.

Listen and watch as the seagulls call softly then shrilly, in search of food. They swoop down to snatch that one kernel of popped corn then soar upwards toward the open sky and over the ocean to savor its goodness.

Listen as the City comes alive.

This is the lady’s time of day and she awakens with a smile.

copyright Vanette (Vannie) Ryanes June 14, 2003

 

Down The Shore

I absolutely love going to the Jersey shore. I don't exactly when this love affair started so I am not sure just how long I have felt this way about an actual space. Perhaps it is just my love of water. It can calm me the way nothing else can.

I come alive down the shore. It gets me in touch with my feelings. I feel energized when the sun awakens me, I feel pensive as I watch the setting sun over the water. I feel melancholy when I think of friends now gone and cannot share the exquisite beauty of the sun touching the water, of the air when it smells like rain. I feel joy when I look into the air and dozens of birds are circling and hovering over the water, because maybe, just maybe my friends are there, soaring on the wings of birds, and maybe when I reach my hand out to catch the gently falling rain, it's not just a rain drop but the gentle touch of a dear friends warm breath saying "hello, old friend."

I feel renewed when I am down the shore.